For a long time, I thought strength had to look a certain way.
When I worked at the Harley-Davidson dealership, there was an unspoken expectation to be tough and hard-edged. I remember one day when a manager came into my office and saw a pink paisley paper holder on my desk. They gave me a hard time about it, saying that “feminine stuff” didn’t belong in a Harley-Davidson dealership.
That comment stayed with me. For years, I thought that being soft, relational, or compassionate meant I couldn’t also be strong. I believed I needed to be a tough, hard-ass type of leader to be taken seriously in that environment.
But as I worked on my PhD and did research on creative, mindful practices and coaching, I started to challenge that belief. I began to understand that strength isn’t one-dimensional. It doesn’t have to fit into a single mold.
What I discovered was this: I can be a badass and a deeply compassionate person at the same time.
This realization was transformative for me. It’s the idea of duality—the understanding that two seemingly opposite qualities can coexist. Strength doesn’t have to have boundaries. You can be kind, compassionate, and loving while still being strong, setting boundaries, holding people accountable, and leading with confidence.
This lesson taught me that true strength comes from authenticity. It’s about embracing all the parts of yourself, even the ones society might tell you don’t belong in certain spaces. Strength isn’t about being hard or unyielding—it’s about having the courage to show up fully as yourself.
If you’ve ever felt like you had to choose between being strong and being true to who you are, I want you to know that you don’t have to pick. You can be both. Strength can be soft, and kindness can be powerful.
Call to Action:
Revisit Chapter 3 of Beauty from Chaos for more insights on redefining strength and embracing duality. Remember: true strength is about showing up as your whole, authentic self.
